FAQ

How would I benefit from the 21 day challenge?

Once you are past the 21 day challenge, you will find yourself more energized and creative, similar to children which haven’t yet reached puberty.

What is Tantra?

Tantra basically means spiritual practice.

Tantra as a life philosophy teaches us how to be present in and fully aware of our sexual energy, emotions and thought patterns. In this process it is possible to transform repressed, primitive and ‘negative’ energies into more sublime energies that express compassion and spiritual openness and lead us into a more expanded state of being.

Real tantric practice affects not only our love life, but will lead to more understanding and freedom, clarity and creativity in all area’s of our life.

Why would I stop peak orgasms?

The (few seconds lasting) peak orgasm trengthens the conditioning caused by what we call  ‘the orgasm hangover”, a hormonal disturbance that drains your energy, and makes you less attracted to your partner.

The peak orgasm prevents you from experiencing the deeper (up to 20 min long) orgasms. Avoiding peak orgasms may have you experience having more energy, less worries and becoming more social.

Are all workshops sexual?

Only the first three steps are sexual. Sexual deconditioning is however a huge benefit and necessary to access a few of the higher steps.

Do I have to have sex during sexual workshops?

You do not need to be sexual during any workshops, except step 3 (which is entirely sexual and an optional step).

That said, it will benefit your practice to participate sexually.

Do I have to have sex with someone if I don't want to?

No, TNT only encourages students to engage in sexual activity with respect to personal boundaries, neither does TNT support charity behavior compromising those boundaries.

What about sexual transmittable diseases? (Please check!)

TNT highly recommends to become tested for any STD’s on a regular basis. At TNT workshops, it is required to use protection and to keep a high standard of personal hygiene at all times.

Do I have to come with an partner to your workshops?

It is not required for a student to have a partner during any of our workshops, except step 3b for couples.

Do I need to be sexual with anyone but my partner?

No. There are practices at more advanced workshops when people are interested in opening the relationship, but this is not a requirement for attending a TNT workshop.

What age are the people that attent your retreats?

We currently have active students ranging from 18 through 70 years old, where most are between 30 and 50.

Regardless of age, we strongly encourage an adult sense of personal responsibility.

What if I feel my boundaries have been crossed?

We encourage workshop participants to speak up at all times, also to assistants and teachers.

What if someone is repeatedly crossing my boundaries, even when I say no?

TNT does not support sleazy behavior, and teachers do their best to screen each participant during workshops and group practices.

Should it happen, please report it to an assistant or teacher so they can sort it out.

What happens after TNT workshops?

After a TNT workshop, you gain access to our community support forums, so you can stay in touch with your practice, to report, share and discuss your findings.

TNT also organizes events and group practices in the different countries, within which you can continue your practice on a regular basis with other TNT students.

What about TNT and spirituality?

TNT is a spiritual school, not supporting a fixed system. TNT encourages adult responsibility and anti-cult behavior,

encouraging practices to help you become more relaxed, cool and authentic in your everyday life.

What about TNT and science?

TNT encourages a strong scientific approach to spirituality. This means our workshops are primarly based on peer reviewed scientific results.

Are the TNT workshops therapy?

TNT workshops are not therapy based except step 1a childhood deconditioning. Since our workshops can be quite challenging it is an advantage if students have attended some kind of therapy.

What happens if I have a peak orgasm during a workshop?

You make a note for yourself to practice non-cumming.

What is a practice partner?

If you are not in or ready for an intimate relationship, it is encouraged to seek another student to practice with and report to on a regular basis.

What about TNT and relationships?

TNT supports students in relationship as far as it supports mutual spiritual growth.

What is codependency?

Codependency is the dynamics in a relationship preventing each other from growing spiritually by being emotionally codependent on each other.

What if there is something I'm ashamed of sharing?

There are many ways of dealing with and addressing shame: share it in our forums, become active in the community, book a session with a TNT body-worker or ask for a buddy (another TNT student).

What if I get jealous or envious?

It is encouraged to share when feeling jealous or envious and to make clear agreements with your partner. TNT does not support blaming or acting as a victim.

Is there a TNT related forum I can study without being student in TNT?

If you are not yet a TNT student, you can join the public group “The New Tantra” on Facebook. Please read the guidelines carefully before posting.

If you have attended a workshop with us, you can join the different closed (international) FB groups.

Why is sex important in Tantra?

Life energy is strongest in our sexuality, and the sexuality contains one of three key points of contractions.

It is our aim to decondition and release ourselves of these contractions to make our lives less dysfunctional.

Through sexual practice it is possible to experience deeper orgasms and satori (temporary state of enlightenment).

Why is TNT encouraging their students to feel everything, including discomfort?

Discomfortable feelings (such as envy and shame) is a result of the contractions in our body reminding us of what we don’t want to feel.
We need to get aware of what is going on under the surface of our coping mechanisms in order to learn how to deal with and heal it.

Within discomfort there is a longing to be intimately authentic and free to express being without contractions.

What is the contraction behind the eyes?

The contraction behind the eyes is one of three key contractions. It is located within the frontal lope of the brain, specifically the prefrontal cortex.

Here we maintain our personality and the idea that we are beings separated from each other.

What is it like to have less contractions?

A person having less contractions will seem more relaxed, present and authentic.

He is less worried about, what other people think of him.

What is non interference?

Non-interference is what happens when we let go of the control to act from the mind. Non interference happens when our actions are naturally and spontaneously coming from the right-hand side of the heart.

The opposite of non-interference, can be described as mood-making.

What is satori?

Satori is a temporary state of enlightenment. In this state, one no longer perceives the self as an entity separate from consciousness.

A satori can rise from a state of extreme bliss, pain or discomfort.

What are mudras?

When the spine is sexually awakened, energy can pass through the micro cosmic orbit eventually releasing repressed energy within the body.

It will look as if the person is doing involuntary yoga exercises, often involving face expressions, hand- and body movements.

What is a life-purpose?

A life purpose is something you do in your life, making you live out deepest potential.

TNT Level 7 is entirely about seeking your life purpose and tools are offered to manifest from there.

What is mood-making?

The purpose of mood making is to numb discomfortable feelings.

This can be if you try to please someone into making him feel better about you.

What is the left hand side of the heart?

The left hand side of the heart controls our mood and how we feel about things.

What is the right hand side of the heart?

The right hand side of the heart is referred to as the true spiritual heart, and is located behind the right nipple.

As described in the teachings of Adi Da, this point is one f three key points of ego contraction that manifests in the human body.

What is a coping mechanism?

A coping mechanism is a mental construction or strategy protecting you from feeling discomfort.

What does LAA mean?

LAA means Love, Appreciation and Approval. They are basic ego strategies used to avoid feeling discomfort.

What is romantic dreaming?

Romantic dreaming (in TNT often referred to as RD), is a mental coping mechanism created to escape a longing for intimacy. Basically people’s mindsets that the other person is responsible for making you happy (the prince on the white horse that saves you)

What is crazy wisdom?

Crazy Wisdom is a spiritual teaching method that can for example be found in Hinduism, Sufism, Zen, Bön, Shamanism and Tibetan Buddhism. Chogyam Trungpa, the first to bring Buddhist Tantra to the West, represents a famous example of a Crazy Wisdom teacher. It is a radical, rare, but extremely powerful method to create long-term transformation in people that are willing to live their life to the full potential. Crazy Wisdom goes against fear-based conditioning and the sneaky mechanisms of the ego.
The Crazy Wisdom teacher uses basically any unconventional method or intervention that helps the student to step out of their fixed cultural and psychological patterns. In other words – the teacher’s intention is to wake the student up –  including humorously, artfully and lovingly insulting the ego.

Frog in the pot
We use the example of the frog in the pot as a metaphor to illustrate why and how these interventions work:
How do you make a frog jump out of a pot filled with water? The most obvious way is, of course, by picking it up. Now, if you are the frog, do you want to be picked up all the time? Probably not, because that implies a dependency on others to save you. Another option is to turn up the heat under the pot. If you do this slowly, the frog falls asleep, gets cooked and dies. No jump happened. But if you use a big fire, the pot heats up really fast, the frog gets uncomfortable and jumps out. That’s what happens in Crazy Wisdom: we turn the heat up, which proves to be an efficient way to change and improve people’s lives.

Out of the comfortzone
Everyone has a so-called comfort zone: that mental space we live in and where we feel a sense of emotional security. But eventually the familiar routine of our comfort zone will keep us from learning and experiencing new things that are potentially good for us. Getting out of the comfort zone is the fastest way to learn. Pushing your own limits brings up fears, insecurity and issues that we always walk away from – because the ego loves the status quo of comfort. That’s why we encourage our participants to experience new things out of their comfort zone – including exploring sexuality.

Confronting versus comforting
Crazy Wisdom is the opposite of the current “spiritual” trend of being nice to the ego – which amounts to telling people that they are “perfect the way they are” even though they are suffering from needless mindfucks. The New Tantra relies on confronting rather than comforting the ego.

Further reading
“Holy madness”, Georg Feuerstein, Hohm Press, 2006

Kundalini

The kundalini is often described as a serpent coiling up the spine, it is an energetically activated spine. There is not much existing science on this subject.

From what we know, awakened kundalini feels like a having an electric current running along the spine towards the top of the head.

In traditional writings Kundalini is described as a force that is coiled at the base of the spine, represented as a sleeping serpent, waiting to be awakened. This means that most people never feel it and never know it is there. Kundalini is the most powerful and refined energetic force available to us as human beings.

A minimal flow of Kundalini exists in everyone already. It is the energy that animates the body and the physical senses and provides a base level of consciousness. As the flow increases, we begin to access higher realms of consciousness into the spiritual dimensions.

Kundalini is activated by the energy of Shakti, or sexual energy. Shakti is generated through conscious lovemaking, specific yogic techniques designed to activate this energy or by shaktipat, the transmission of a master.

Kundalini, when safely aroused, is a vitality that speeds up the process of spiritual growth. It smooths the path, that makes the steep slopes easier to climb, and that acts like a sword to cut through inertia and conditioning. In short, Kundalini can change you quickly.

The kundalini, when awakened, moves from your coccyx where it resides at the base of your spine upwards. When it encounters blockages to its flow, it moves sideways into nerves and then muscles. This explains the characteristic movements that result from kundalini arousal. These movements are typically in the pelvis and legs, in the mid back, and in the neck and head.

When large amounts of energy are suddenly trying to find their way through the body, suppressed emotions and issues can come up. That is why we strongly suggest to people to do therapy, especially when Kundalini is initiated, to get awareness on and help transform their patterns.

A full kundalini awakening occurs only when a perfect balance of masculine and feminine exists in the body. Maintaining a balance between these energies is an essential part of the practice we offer in our teachings.

What is kundalini sex?

There is not much science yet on kundalini. When the spine is sexually activated, you get acces to an enormous amount of (sexual) energy, that needs to be balanced in the body in order to use it in a constructive way.

Having sex with sexually activated spines may lead to deep orgasms and deep spiritual experiences of unity consciousness.

What is Ego?

From a psychological perspective, the ego is the public interface we use to interact with others. It consists of stories about who we are, where we come from, where we are going and why we act the way we do. In a sense, the ego is a continuously arising stream of thoughts, which make up our sense of Self. At the heart of it, that Self is just another thought, no different than the thought of Santa Claus, Superman or an Invisible Pink Unicorn.

This is not just some New Age mumbo-jumbo. Modern neuroscience confirms that our solid sense of Self – the ego – is in many respect just like an illusion, a radiant mirage, a clever magic trick, a hologram. Sam Harris – a best-selling neuroscientist and philosopher – presents this view very clearly in his magnificent book “Waking up”.

One could say that the ego is a false identity, a rather unconscious and contracted part of our mental activity that plays a major role in creating emotional drama and problems in our lives.

The ego functions as a fear based protection and defense mechanism that seeks for Love, Appreciation or Approval (LAA) from others. It does so by continuously spawning thoughts such as:
“I am smart.”
“Nobody likes me.”
“I am better than you.”

“That was stupid of me.”
“I am a bad person and that’s why my father left my mom”
“I am a bad person and that is why I get punished.”
The ego essentially consists of these elaborate conversations we seem to be having with ourselves. Anything that encourages this mind chatter, also builds or reinforces the ego.

A feature of the ego is that it flip-flops between arrogance/high self-esteem and insecurity/low self-esteem. In other words, it inflates and deflates. These are two sides of the same coin, which covers up what is underneath. Considering that we develop our  “image of Self” as children, it is inevitable that these beliefs don’t map to reality very well when we become adults.
Ego-contractions
The ego manifests itself not only on a mental level – that is, in mind chatter – but also at the level of feelings and sensations in the body.

In the body, we can find 3 main “contractions” due to the ego: behind the eyes, behind the heart and behind the genitals. The contractions behind the heart cut the heart off from its ability to love unconditionally. The contractions behind the eyes make us believe that we are separate beings and that the limited ‘reality’ that we perceive through our eyes is solid and real. The contraction in the genitals blocks us from experiencing horniness and playfulness and inhibit the innocent longing to merge together with others.
A lot of contemporary diseases with no specific cause nor cure seem to come from ego contractions, like ‘fybromyalgics’, chronic pain, cancer. Especially women’s bodies seem not to be very well designed to carry ego – it blocks the body from its natural energyflow.
Also, the peak orgasm is an ego-reinforcing act:
When we start to masturbate in our teens we start to drain our energy and numb the body. Then we need moodmakers that keep our energy levels artificially up, such as tobacco, sugar, alcohol and coffee.

How to get aware of the ego
The ego is difficult to see, because it is a process that goes on in our own awareness. In addition, we can’t observe ourselves: it is literally impossible to turn our eyeballs on ourselves. In short, the ego is blind to itself, and its turmoil impairs the self–reflection process. This makes it difficult to see the root cause of our emotional dramas and suffering. The ego reaffirms itself and hides in self-criticism or explains itself away. We call the ego therefore a self-repairing and self-deluding machine. The ego is a dangerous mechanism: when triggered, it can get very nasty, because its focus is survival. Even mentally understanding how the ego works won’t help when strong negative emotions and their matching thoughts arise – the mind simply goes blank and forgets.
Therefore, we need the power of community to point our ego’s out. At the beginning it is difficult to discern the difference between what is ego and what is not. A way to spot the ego is by the trail of mostly contradictory emotional reactions it leaves behind: anger at a loved one, the need to be right, a belief of knowing better, insecurity, jealousy, the need to impress someone, feelings of guilt and shame, feelings of victimhood, betrayal or injustice and so on. In the beginning it is easier to see the symptoms of resulting emotions and drama, rather than the ego that caused it.
Humility as a sign of letting go of the ego
Humility or humbleness is the quality of being honestly respectful of others. It is the opposite of aggressiveness, arrogance, boastfulness, and vanity. Rather than, “me first,” humility allows us to say, “no, you first, my friend.” Humility is the quality that lets us go more than halfway to meet the needs and demands of others. A humble mind is fully present and at peace with itself and its surroundings. A natural consequence is that a person who is not identified with its ego so much anymore, stops self-reflecting and self-referencing all the time.  This weakens the story of ‘being me’ and turns consciousness more outwards, making room for empathy with others.
Spiritual definition of Ego
From a spiritual perspective, ego corresponds to considering oneself as separate from others and God due to identification with the physical body, the chattering mind and the ever-arising emotions. Here, God does not necessarily refer to any supernatural being. Rather, God is the first hand experience that appears when the illusion that there is a discrete Self – inhabiting the head and controlling things – blows up and disappears.
We have spent years building our egoic self-images, living inside of them, and reinforcing them.  Extracting ourselves out of this matrix of false beliefs will take more than a few days. So what!  What could beat letting go and freeing yourself of much unnecessary suffering?

How to start tantra or how to take the next step?

There are many ways to do this, but here is one: first step is to decide to be more honest and vulnerable, second step is share this new vulnerability with yourself and your partner, and third step is to keep opening up the body and mind to new sensations, thoughts and feelings and return back to step one with new awareness.

To pragmatically do this you continue to have sex but you walk away with a hard on, then you will do hip openers and ass work to open up the body so the energy can move away from the pelvis; you will then notice changes in how you look at sex and if your partner likes this new you he can help you by not demanding old fashioned sex and open up and relax her pelvic area too. If both of you are open and you plug in and be still you can feel the energy move. This discovery can then start a new cascade of previously inaccessible feelings, emotions and sensations. These you need to allow (be vulnerable), acknowledge (be honest) and share. This circle goes on ad infinitum.

To help the body open up, feel more of the energy and get techniques, see Step 1b under courses.

Energy gets stuck in the perineum and abdomen area, so I end up having to pause often to avoid ejaculating. What can I do?

Is your spine sexually activated? (See step 1b)

Are you doing your ass-work correctly?

Yoga can help with that, opening the body and getting energy blockages loosen up or out of the way.

Get your partner to tap upwards on your spine, to help the energy move.

Or contact a bodyworker to get individual feedback on your progress. (See sessions)

If you are over the point of no return (PONR), what to do?

Relax to the maximum. “Minimise” the damage by relaxing as much as you can… The bigger the pumping contractions the worse the hangover.; do NOT believe “I might as well enjoy it since it’s going to happen anyway”. Relax your abdomen and especially the perineum as much as you can, breathe deep and slow. Pay a hefty “fine” to your favourite Charity 😉 accept it, don’t beat yourself up and look towards when you will have mastered this.

Does coming during sex count as a mistake ``miss``, or is it just when masturbating?

Since the physiological effect is exactly the same, and there is significant loss of energy, this definitely counts as a “miss”

I am not sure if I had a “miss” (men)

There were no contractions, but some semen came out: If there really were no contractions, and a few hours later there is no drop in energy, then this is not a miss.

There were contractions but I blocked the semen: This is also a miss. Look for a drop in energy,  horniness or increase in grumpiness in 4-6 days from now.

I came in my sleep (wet dream), does that count as a miss?

Unfortunately even though wet dreams are not in your direct conscious control, this still counts as a miss. This happens to a small proportion of the practitioners, and there are ways to get over this. Please consult the community for more details.

Does squirting count? (women)

The G-spot orgasm is also known “female ejaculation”, which can be very misleading. In fact, it is the clitoral orgasm that is equivalent to the contraction-based ejaculation in men. Both of them are connected to the pudendal nerve.  Squirting, otherwise known as the G-spot orgasm is not  a contraction orgasm, it comes from a different nerve (hypogastric), and therefore does not count as a “miss”.

Are there any books you guys recommend?

“Finding God through sex” “The way of the superior man” and “Dear Lover.” David Deida

“Waking up.” Sam Harris.

“Shift into freedom.” Loch Kelly.

“Be as you are.” Ramana Maharshi.

“Compulsory dancing.” Da Free John

“Introduction to tantra.” and “The bliss of inner fire.” by Lama Yeshe.

“Holy madness.” by Feuerstein.

David Chapman’s blog.

“Urban tantra.” by Carallas

“Shambhala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior”

“Cutting through Spiritual Materialism” Chögyam Trungpa

Is it ok to ejaculate as when we massage the prostate, it pushes out some semen through the penis?

Yes, it is called oozing and is fine; it’s the autonomous pumping of the prostate gland that affects your hormone levels. The semen do not need to be saved. What needs to be saved is sexual energy, which is lost through contractions of the PC-muscle (not oozing). Just notice if you stay (sexually) charged or if your energy levels drop afterwards, that is how your body indicates it.

Any tips on blue balls?

Breathing and relaxing, masturbation away from the base (yelqing) massage of the balls, massage of the groin away from pelvis (down the legs and up the belly) and asswork. Your body will get used to the new circumstances, it will pass!

What if I disagree with any of the answers in this FAQ?

TNT supports feedback and critical thinking, you are encouraged to post a notice on our forums.